Have you heard the story of Wendy Darling's mother and her hidden kiss? The last kiss in the corner of her mouth, the one that her children and her husband all wanted, the one that only Peter Pan could get. Blue and Ash were all the hidden kisses anyone has ever had. Lousy with secrets, the two of them would enter a room and everyone would fall in love. They oozed mystery, Blue with its secret depths and Ash with its impenetrable exterior. Everyone wanted them. Ash's rugged good looks complimented Blue's gentle curves, and everyone whispered about Blue's scar.
They spent their time impressing everyone around them, and each other. "Maybe I'll stop by later," Blue would say. "That's cool," Ash would answer, everyone acting super casual. Blue would roll in late and Ash would be waiting, and the lighting was always just right.
When someone else believes in the you that you have created, the one that you don't even quite believe in yourself, it is just about the biggest ego boost ever. Blue was cool, and smart and tough, independent and invincible, a rock star in the best band ever. Blue felt this way when it was with Ash, but even more so when it was by itself. It relished the opportunity to go out into the world alone, having its own secret adventures, knowing that when it saw Ash again it would have the best stories to tell.
"Yesterday I snuck myself onto the shelf at this fancy art gallery," Blue told Ash. "Some lady said I was deeply sensual. Her boyfriend argued that I was meant to describe the basic pointlessness of existence."
Ash laughed. "I'd say both were true of you."
"Jerk!" Blue yelped back, knocking into Ash, and they were rolling around, so in love.
If you never talk about your doubts and worries, it's almost like they don't exist. Blue felt like it had all its shit totally together, all the time.
Blue fell in love with the story of itself, and the story of Ash and Blue. Every five minutes someone new was hitting on it. At parties, Blue would watch, bemused, from across the room as some demitasse cup, all gold trimming and white porcelain, model perfect, tried to pick up Ash. Blue loved watching objects fall for Ash, but more than that, Blue loved that the two of them didn't need to spend every minute by each other's side. They'd spend the night working the room, talking to everyone and anyone, and then leave together, taking all the sparkle of the party with them.
They seemed to have a perfect understanding of each other without ever talking about it, everything remaining unspoken and undefined. Talking about things killed them, and Blue and Ash were so vibrantly alive together.
The whisper of terry cloth on stone, matching curves, soft and hard.
"Why?" Blue asked.
"Because peaches pits look like almonds, because of the glowing end of a cigarette, because of the word 'hiccup'," Ash replied, and Blue understood perfectly. Blue courted Ash with tiny, strange gifts: an Indian candy bar, a plastic dinosaur found on the floor of a parking lot. In return, Ash pointed out delicate and beautiful moments that Blue would have otherwise missed: the wavy water shadows on the window above a sink full of dishes, the Aeolian cadence of a stranger's laughter.
Blue and Ash were generous with one and other without ever even knowing it. They each refrained from ever saying to the other those three simple words: "Oh, come on." Together, their suspension of disbelief was so profound, that it never occurred to either of them that there was any disbelief to suspend. Before Blue's charms, Ash was an openmouthed child watching a birthday party magician; sure that that rabbit had appeared out of nowhere. Ash would tell stories of past exploits and Blue would laugh in all the right places, and Ash never once thought that there was anything corny about any of Blue's jokes.
Sex was awkward, but they assured each other that it didn't matter, and it wasn't until Ash tried to improve things that they had their first fight.
"Get on top, " Ash whispered, one night, urgent. All Blue heard in
Ash's voice was the bossiness of it, but hey, sure, why not? Blue obliged. Ash started to do something weird, they weren't lining up right, and suddenly Blue felt kind of creepy. Blue slid off. "What?" Ash asked, irritated. "I don't know," Blue answered lamely. "Come on," Ash said, and again, the urgency in its voice just creeped Blue out.
"No, I don't want to anymore."
"What were you doing? That thing felt gross."
"Yeah," Blue said and rolled over.
Ash nestled itself near Blue's back, but they were both faced with the
same thought: who is this next to me? Suddenly,
the mystery of it all wasn't fun anymore.